How far would you go for the chance at true love? Would you give up your job, your home, your city? Would you make a fool of yourself? And would it be worth it at the end if he didn’t love you? If he turned and walked away and chose someone else instead?

Some women will do a lot for the chance at falling in love (some men too). I am not sure it is altogether a bad thing to do a lot for love. It is a measure of character to know what you want and pursue it diligently despite fear and the possibility of failure.

But some women go a long, long way. They will take a month or two months off of work and travel to a city far from home for the chance at love. They will join twenty-four other women and compete for the attention of the same man. They open up their hearts, go on romantic dates, and experience elimination rose ceremonies all with the hope of finding the man of their dreams. I am not sure I can blame them. These women believe in true love and are willing to go great lengths to find it. That is hard to find these days.

I am talking about the TV reality show, The Bachelor. And yes, it’s not just women who enjoy that show. I love it. I love watching a good romance evolve, love watching a good love story—and most of The Bachelor seasons are quite good. Certainly, part of the fun is releasing my hold on reality and enjoying falling in love right along with the participants.

One part of The Bachelor in particular I find very fascinating. Why does it seem that all twenty-five women are interested in the Bachelor?

Sure, it is a lot of fun for the Bachelor. He can pick between twenty-five women, and there is a good chance that at least one of them will strike a chord with him. But what about them? They are stuck with him, whether they are interested or not. They don’t have twenty-five men to choose from. Don’t some of the girls step out of the limo and say, uh, just not interested. I can appreciate his looks and style and personality, but he just doesn’t do it for me. In my own experience, I am often able to tell right away if I want the door to be open or closed for a particular woman. It’s a gut feeling (and often based on more than just looks). True, women will often give a man a longer chance than a man might give a woman, but still. Are they hoping he grows on them?

If so, I am not sure that is such a good thing. One mistake a lot of people make is knowing right away that the other person is not the one for them, and yet they still pursue. Maybe something about that person still appeals to them. Maybe it is how they look. Maybe it is the allure of money or status. Maybe it is just not wanting to being alone and someone, even the wrong someone, is better than not having intimacy with anyone at all.

I wonder how much heartache they could avoid by just being honest at the beginning.

The Bachelor will grow on these women. The situation encourages it. There is only one man. They are continuously put into romantic situations with this man. There are handfuls of other women. Something rises in a woman’s spirit when she is fighting other women for a man, a mix of things that includes the strong desire to be known and cherished and validated, to be found special and loved because of it or in spite of it.

The greatest effect of these factors is on the woman’s own mind. Imagine all the time the women are in their mansion waiting to meet the Bachelor, thinking about the other women with him, remembering the things he said and how he held her hand, of what they might do on their next date, of how he might choose her in the end and she might actually have a storybook ending. If there weren’t feelings at the beginning, this kind of thinking, amplified by a deadline, will begin to produce them. Remember, what you think and think about, affects how you feel.

Ah, but for the chance at love, for spectacular love. I can understand going this distance. Love is an elusive and worthy prize and oh, for the chance!

But love isn’t really chance at all. That’s the magnificent thing about it. Someone was created for each of us, to fit perfectly with our nature and needs and vice versa. That’s why timing is so important. Some of the best things that can happen in our lives are ordained and as long as we are open and receptive to that timing we can’t miss them. And I don’t think we can miss our special someone as long as we jump at the right chances.

Now I must go and watch the last episode of this season’s The Bachelor and see if a new love story is written.

© Seth Crossman