One of my favorite movies of all time, for a lot of reasons, is The Last of the Mohicans. One aspect I like is the struggle to survive on the harsh frontier during the French and Indian War and the three love stories that are interlaced throughout this struggle.

My favorite part is the line that Hawkeye (Daniel Day Lewis) says to Cora (Madeleine Stowe) right before she is captured by the enemy. Hawkeye says, “You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you.”

Wow! Those are strong words and a powerful sentiment. How many women have wanted men to feel and then say such a thing to them?

Reminds me of the movie The Notebook. Most of us know the movie, or at least the premise. It is a story about true love and the tenacity and perseverance and dedication of such a love. You have to cry at the end of the movie, at least if you have a heart. I cried because I wanted love like that. I wanted to feel so strongly for someone that I was willing to fight the rest of my life to preserve it and exist in it.

I think most of us long for the kind of love these movies hint at and that is why we can identify with them. And perhaps now, after several articles, you are believing that there is one person created uniquely for you (because there is whether you believe it or not) and that when you find them you will find love that transcends the words used to explain it. You might even be looking through your closet right now, searching for an outfit you know will impress so you can get out there looking.

Stop right there. Believing that God has created just one for you does not mean you spend the rest of your life actively searching for it. It can lead to all sorts of problems. You try a million people out to see if they are the one and years later, you have a string of broken relationships and a heart so scarred the memories can never be forgotten. It can lead to wives and husbands opting out of marriage because they feel the one they have already chosen is not the one. It can paralyze people and augment every little fear they have any time they interact with someone new. “Is this the person?”

That is not the intent of the idea that there is one unique person created for you. Rather, it is to liberate you and bless you.

So what do you do if you are single and still looking? (All married folks, you have made your choice, and by choosing have chosen the person that is the one for you. That commitment and your effort in honoring it will determine the amount of blessing and satisfaction you receive from it. Someday, I will dwell on this aspect in another article) Do you go out to bars, out to the mall, sign up for speed dating, or sign up for online dating? You can. I think there a million ways to find someone. But look at this quote from C.S. Lewis. I think it points out the attitude we have to take on looking for love, and really life too. “There is nothing to be ashamed of in enjoying your food: there would be everything to be ashamed of if half the world made food the main interest of their lives and spent their time looking at pictures of food and dribbling and smacking their lips. (all this in reference to sex) (Mere Christianity) He is talking about balance, but is also talking about not focusing yourself on one aspect of life to an unhealthy degree.

That is the attitude we need to take into our hope for finding the one. In Song of Songs 3:5 it says, “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

Now may I go as far as to suggest that perhaps we need not search at all? Doesn’t the bible say that God gave Adam his wife? (and wasn’t this first relationship the intent God had for marriage and the union between man and woman. Jesus, when asked about marriage, even referred back to this original intent, “In the beginning…” You see, we have fallen far from the best kind of relationship, one that is ordained by the Maker.) Even Adam admits it to God. “The woman you gave me..” (Genesis 3). In Proverbs 19:14, it says, “House and riches are the inheritance from fathers, but a wise, understanding, and prudent wife is from the Lord.”

Our real focus should be on God first, so that we do not idolize love or the person we love. So often I make the mistake of focusing on love, dwelling on it as though it were the most important point of living. I need to remind myself that there are greater purposes to my life than just love (though I believe it is an important aspect). In Matthew 6:32 Jesus says “For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Look at that! It says the world chases these things (possessions, riches, food, shelter, love..). But God knows we need them. If we chase Him first, he will give us all these things. He will give us our one and only.

So many of us are hesitating. I know it. This all sounds so good, but there is this big, dark, heavy…doubt and fear that is trying to swallow what you have read. Maybe you do not want to even admit it to yourselves. Maybe deep down you fear you are not worthy of this one and only. Maybe you feel you have screwed up one too many times in your past and such a love would never find you attractive or worth loving. Maybe you are afraid you will make a mistake in a relationship and lose your one and only. Maybe you are afraid you have missed it, or will miss it.

First of all, you are worthy! Jesus died to give you incredible worth and to demonstrate your worth. I could give eight hundred examples from the bible of all the failures people had, and really bad failures (murder, adultery, idolatry, prostitution, belonging to the mafia, stealing, war – you name it). Then they made right with God and He immediately jumped back in with the blessings and abundance. Perhaps the best illustration right now is the prodigal son parable, the believer who went off to taste the world with all of his inheritance his father had given him. He spent it on drink, on carousing, on women. He tasted it all. And then he lost it all, his friends, his wealth, his pleasure and had less to eat than pigs. He came back to his father and his father put his best robes on him and threw a feast for the son who had come home and put him right back into his inheritance. How about the sheep that went astray? Didn’t the shepherd go running after them? You cannot mess up more than what God is willing to forgive you for. And then you just jump right back into His will.

How about just plain missing your opportunity? If we are pursing God in our life, I am not sure we can miss it, or miss them. Let’s not limit God with our finite minds or our finite abilities(He doesn’t fail or miss opportunities or make mistakes). God will give us as many opportunities to make the right choice as we are willing to let Him. He is not going to let your one and only walk by you just once (if this pretty girl walks by just once in your lifetime – she wasn’t the one). He will keep putting her in your path until you finally listen to the Holy Spirit inside of you urging you to say something. If you just don’t realize it at first, God will keep putting that person in your classes, in the checkout line at the grocery store, in the areas of life and activities that you enjoy (They won’t be at the bar you don’t frequent or on the seedy adult dating service, or in the gym that is too expensive for you and that you don’t really enjoy…) And God is not going to let you say the wrong thing or be too nervous. You may be nervous, or trip over your own feet, or say stupid unintelligible things, but God will have that person find it funny or endearing and the rest is history.

Remember who God is and what He can do and does do. Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Works suggests that God is expending a lot of effort. Not just a little, not just one little chance. But tirelessly, without end. And if we love him, if we are honoring him, He is expending that energy for our good. We are not going to miss that chance! Don’t let fear make you think you will miss it, or are not worthy of it.

We are talking about a God “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,” Ephesians 3:20. Let God do the work for you, and as you grow closer to Him, you will most likely know immediately or quite clearly, just as Adam knew (bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh(!)), what man or woman He intimately and carefully created and is working tirelessly toward bringing into your life—and then say “Yes, Lord!” And if it is the right one, you have the rest of eternity to get to know them.

© Seth Crossman